A Road Block (and Getting Ready to Leave)

Just a quick post.  I'm sorry I'm failing at the challenge posts... I feel like I've been failing at everything that even remotely involves being healthy, dieting, losing weight, twitter, #7daychip, or this blog lately and I am really sorry and feel pretty bad about it.  I feel like every time I go to start something or set a goal with the first hiccup it all falls to pieces and I'm back to where I've started.  Like the first mistake or misstep turns into a road block that keeps me from getting back on track and doing what I said I would do.  I never used to feel like this, why now?

That said, I hope to get back on the horse starting tomorrow.  Not going to write any goals right now because I don't want to let myself down again, I just really want to survive the next (get ready for it) 6 days before I fly home to America!!!  I've been busily packing and getting my affairs in order... and letting my eating and exercise slag in a big way.  It's really caught up with me all of a sudden today and I've been really bummed out and feeling huge and disgusting all day.  After I post this, I'm off to bed so I can MAKE MYSELF get up and RUN tomorrow before work.  I'm going to do it.  I am. I am. I am.

This week I've also really started thinking about going back to WeightWatchers when I get home, more specifically for the summer.  I checked my loan repayment plan (I'm trying to REALLY accelerate it to be out of debt ASAP) and paying for 4 months of the monthly pass change the end date of my new plan at all.  So, I'm currently thinking I'll sign up with a goal of doing it for the summer.  If at the end of summer, I'm not taking advantage of it and I'm not at least 10lbs down... then I'll stop my subscription when we move and go back to using CalorieCount for free... What do you guys think?  I think that with this plateau and the way I've been feeling, I really need my meetings (and my AWESOME leader at home) back.  Something needs to change and I need to kick myself in gear since Jon and our friends have a packed schedule of fun races and other event we want to do.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling post, just wanted to put out how I'm feeling to the blogosphere and remind you all that I'm still here.  I'm working on a few posts right now: moving out (with photos), a new challenge post, a plan for the summer, etc.  Stay tuned!

Update: For the first time in I think all of 2011 so far, I actually DID get up at 6am and go for a run after this post.  I hope that this is the start of me being back on track, one mile at a time.  Stay tuned for the next post, I just saw it's going to be my 200TH!!!

Keeping My Word: 7 day chip disappointment... again.

I have problems pushing myself. I also have problems sticking with what I say I'm going to do. But, now I'm so in a rut with this I don't know how to find the motivation to change it. Every let down just proves the rule and I'm getting discouraged.

Case in point: this week's sugar-free/baguette-free 7 day chip goal. Did good for a few days, then got myself in a situation where I was too hungry and couldn't bring myself to be the only one out of the three of us not to get "the best ice cream ever" (Jean-Michel's assessment) that he wanted so bad we drove 60km from the beach we WERE (Salin-de-Giraud) to the town of Saintes-Marie-de-la-Mer to get a cone. The ice cream was amazing, but I knew that I was ashamed of myself when I didn't take a picture of the pretty colors to share with my blog readers. I didn't admit to anyone in the #7daychip group that I'd fallen on Day 3 either. I just quit tweeting so I wouldn't have to mention it. I was embarrassed.

At the gorgeous Salin-de-Giraud beach pre-sugar

From there, it became "Well, at least no baguette." Then, what happened? Rosie and I made cookies and I was going to eat dinner at hers so I was going to bring along a baguette for everyone... But, I ended up not going and was thus left alone with a baguette in my apartment. Complete and utter 7 day chip fail.

I am going to run tonight to at least make my weekly mileage goal, but I still feel like I've let myself down. More importantly, I've let the other tweeps down too. I'm so encouraged by everyone's successes on Twitter and via blogs that when I'm doing poorly, instead of getting on here and talking about how I'm feeling and feeding into that motivation and support, I just shut down and disappear for awhile.

I only have 5 weeks left here in France, so I'm going to try and make the most of it. Get my runs in, eat the food I want in moderation, and try and stick to some kind of plan. I'm going to try from here on out to be more honest with my blog and with my twittering. I'm really struggling for motivation right now and I hope reaching out to you guys will help me get it back.

On that note, my goals for this week are simple: be honest about what I'm doing, avoid food binges (if I'm going to have some baguette, I will have a SERVING of baguette and not half of one like I did this weekend), and get my weekly mileage in (more on that soon).

Thanks for sticking with me (and with the blog). Your comments, advice, and support, really mean a lot, especially since I know that my blog isn't as inspiring as others since I'm currently not seeing amazing losses or fabulous results. I know it's going to get better, I'm going to make it.