30 DC: Day 13 (A love affair) AND my 200th post!

Sorry for the delay!!!  Today's 30 day challenge post ties in with a post I was already going to write.  I also purposely decided to wait to post it since this post ALSO marks my 200th post on the blog.  Woo!  It's interesting to think about all the changes that have happened over 200 blog posts!  Anyway, today's topic is "A place you would like to move or visit."  Today I'll tell you a bit more about my love affair... with Provence.

If you read my blog regularly (or have talked to me ever), you'll know that I spent this year (and my previous study abroad experience) in Avignon, France, in the western part of what is known as Provence, or, more specifically the 'région Provence Alpes Côte d'Azur' (PACA) because it includes Provence in the west, the French Riviera (Côte d'Azur) in the east, and the beginning of the Alpes in the north.

If you're one of the people I'm friends with on Facebook or even Twitter, you'll also note that I move home from France soon. As in, I fly out Tuesday night at 10pm EST from Marseille (6am CET).  So, not only is this post a nice chance to mark the journey I've had this year and since I started the blog, but it's kind of an interesting precipice to be on as I'm closing this chapter.  I know the next 200 posts will be full of surprises too.

Anyway, on to the challenge.  I'm leaving Provence this week, but after spending so much time here it will always have a piece of my heart.  If I could bring Jon with me (and buy a car once I got here), I really could see myself being happy living here.  This region's got it all: mountains, fields, beaches, rivers, cities... You name it.  Oh and yummy food.  I'm going to talk more about this year in a few upcoming posts (and how I wrapped it up/crammed my life into three suitcases and a purse), but for now I just wanted to leave you with some of the photos I've taken this year that start to give a sense of how beautiful and varied this region is.  I am really thankful I was lucky enough to be able to spend nine months here and, in response to the challenge, I could definitely see myself moving here one day.  Retirement in the South of France, eh? eh?

Je t'aime, Provence.

A Road Block (and Getting Ready to Leave)

Just a quick post.  I'm sorry I'm failing at the challenge posts... I feel like I've been failing at everything that even remotely involves being healthy, dieting, losing weight, twitter, #7daychip, or this blog lately and I am really sorry and feel pretty bad about it.  I feel like every time I go to start something or set a goal with the first hiccup it all falls to pieces and I'm back to where I've started.  Like the first mistake or misstep turns into a road block that keeps me from getting back on track and doing what I said I would do.  I never used to feel like this, why now?

That said, I hope to get back on the horse starting tomorrow.  Not going to write any goals right now because I don't want to let myself down again, I just really want to survive the next (get ready for it) 6 days before I fly home to America!!!  I've been busily packing and getting my affairs in order... and letting my eating and exercise slag in a big way.  It's really caught up with me all of a sudden today and I've been really bummed out and feeling huge and disgusting all day.  After I post this, I'm off to bed so I can MAKE MYSELF get up and RUN tomorrow before work.  I'm going to do it.  I am. I am. I am.

This week I've also really started thinking about going back to WeightWatchers when I get home, more specifically for the summer.  I checked my loan repayment plan (I'm trying to REALLY accelerate it to be out of debt ASAP) and paying for 4 months of the monthly pass change the end date of my new plan at all.  So, I'm currently thinking I'll sign up with a goal of doing it for the summer.  If at the end of summer, I'm not taking advantage of it and I'm not at least 10lbs down... then I'll stop my subscription when we move and go back to using CalorieCount for free... What do you guys think?  I think that with this plateau and the way I've been feeling, I really need my meetings (and my AWESOME leader at home) back.  Something needs to change and I need to kick myself in gear since Jon and our friends have a packed schedule of fun races and other event we want to do.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling post, just wanted to put out how I'm feeling to the blogosphere and remind you all that I'm still here.  I'm working on a few posts right now: moving out (with photos), a new challenge post, a plan for the summer, etc.  Stay tuned!

Update: For the first time in I think all of 2011 so far, I actually DID get up at 6am and go for a run after this post.  I hope that this is the start of me being back on track, one mile at a time.  Stay tuned for the next post, I just saw it's going to be my 200TH!!!

30 DC: Day 11 (A Tour of my Friday)

Today's challenge post calls for a bullets account of my day today.  You'll see why I've been feeling out of my healthiness journey when you look at today... but I at least faithfully described everything I ate and did, so at least there's that.  I really do need to get back in the swing of things...  Anyway, here goes:

Morning:

• Woke up at 9
• Had breakfast of weetabix, honey, skim and a cut up banana.  Made tea.

Essentially my bfast, only sub the yogurt for milk.

• Got all my important mail ready to be sent.  (Forgot about my tea.)
• Decided to go back to bed for an hour... got woken up by a phonecall to set up a "going-away" dinner with a friend
• Gave my friend Kévaly two little shelving units I didn't think would sell on Le Bon Coin
• Moving things off the shelves induced a packing panic, thus:
• Cleaned/essentially packed all my suitcases to come home...looks like everything will fit.  ::knock on wood::

Afternoon:

• Ate lunch (leftover morbier risotto with zucchini, peppers, leek, garlic, and mushrooms) and too many (6-7) Percy Pigs.  
• Went to La Poste and mailed everything.  Ran into two women from Texas, helped them mail their package and gave them tips on things to see in Avignon while they're here.  My advice is going to save them at least 100€.  Woot.
• Met Rosie and her friend Camilla at Place de l'Horloge.
• Got frozen yogurt with the nutrition negated by the fact that Rosie told me I absolutely had to get the brownieish sauce.
• Picked out a few things I will be getting from NafNaf (where Rosie works).

I had to get Jon's opinion if it was as cute as I thought or too hippy.  He likes.

• Hung out with Ro and Camilla and meandered through Avignon... and found some new Invaders!!!

• Made a dinner reservation for tonight at Le Différent--it's gotten good reviews!
• Skyped with Jonboy! :)

Not an actual photo from today either, but you get the idea! ;)

• Paid off my credit card back from my trip to the UK and other misc. European things! WOOO!
• Looked into how soon I can feasibly pay off my gov't loans... Dec 2013 looks to be the earliest.  You know, unless one of you want to give me money! ;)
• Got really hungry and decided to make a bowl of oatmeal with some shaved almonds and a fresh peach... disaster.  Should have photographed, but didn't.  Had nothing else to eat and was hungry, ate it anyway.

Evening:

• Got slightly dressed up in my new shoes from Barcelona (and pretty jewelry from Jonboy)
• Met up with Claire for our lovely dinner at Le Différent:

Crème brûlée au fois gras et son écume de magret fumée

Mignon de veau sauce au miel aux saveurs d’agrumes 

accompagné de son écrasée de pomme de terre et de ses légumes

Trilogie de desserts

(Composée d’un moelleux au chocolat, d’une panacota aux mangues et d’une soupe de fraises)

• Wandered around Avignon with Claire for a bit of an after dinner walk
• Skyped with Jon and got to say hello to one of my favorite girls

• And now, at 1:30am, I'm off to bed so I can get up early (hopefully) tomorrow morning before going to spend Saturday/Sunday with Magali and her family! 

Hope you've not been bored to tears by my life here in France (and my detailing it).  Probably won't get a challenge post (or any post at all) in tomorrow since I'm not taking my computer, but I'll see you all Sunday!!! :)

30 DC: Day 11 (a shuffle of my iPod)

Today, as part of the 30 Day Challenge, I invite you to a top 10 tour of my iPod touch.  The challenge requirements said to tell you the first 10 songs on shuffle, so be prepared for an odd mix.  I originally only used the touch for running, but I've since added some things to listen to on the bus since I ALWAYS seem to get car sick/headachy on my commute home from work.

1. JK Rowling: "Aunt Marge's Big Mistake" from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

I LOVE Harry Potter.  I got the British audio recordings from a guy I dated a few years ago and they're worlds better than the American ones.

2. Mumford and Sons "Winter Winds"
One of my British friends turned me on to them after the BRIT awards, I highly recommend them!

3. Corbin Bleu "Push it to the Limit"
This is part of a running playlist.  If ever I want to give up, this song ALWAYS makes me push through.  I wish there were a way to have it on 'speed dial' or something.

4. Adele "Turning Tables"
If you've never listened to Adele, stop what you are doing and listen to this song or anything else by here immediately.  That is all.

5. Bénabar "Monospace"
I couldn't find a good recording of this song to show you, but it's adorable and it's upbeat and catchy with a fun theme: the guy singing is talking about being a dad and driving a monospace (mini van)

6. Buck Cherry "Crazy Bitch"

Good for running.

7. Cali "C'est Quand le bonheur?"
'When is happiness?' or 'When will I be happy?'  Upbeat even with kind of a sad theme, Cali is probably if not my favorite definitely up there among French singers.  Saw him in concert in 2008... amazing. 

8. Ellie Goulding "Lights"
Again, learned about her from the BRIT awards.  Love her... and she's cute to follow on Twitter too!

9. Anne Bylsam "Unaccompanied Cello Suite #2 by JS Bach" 

(The link is to a Yo-Yo Ma version, but same piece)

I played cello for 10 years and this is hands down my favorite things for cello.  I keep all of the suites on my iPod because if I ever need music to relax to or to drown out noise so I can sleep... this is it.

10. Girl Talk "Triple Double"  
I HIGHLY recommend this CD to all runners.  I got it for free online at the Girl Talk website a few months back and the songs are SO fun to run to.

Do any of you have anything weird on YOUR iPods?

30 DC: Day 10 (First love, first kiss)

My first love and my first kiss.  Sadly, since I'm in France and have no access to my pre-digital photos, you're just going to have to imagine photos of me being young and in love.  Ready?  Go:

Well, the first kiss thing for me is sadly pretty anticlimactic and something I kind of try to forget.  No adorable story here, sorry folks.  Sadly, it was with the neighbor boy (as ya do) in a weird little cottage thing in his backyard.  Plus, he was and still is kind of weird, so I mostly like to pretend it never happened.  

As for my first love, that's kind of cute.  I've gone to the same church ALL my life and grew up going to their Wednesday evening after-school program called "Super Wednesday."  We all kind of loathed going there as we got older, but now I have lots of fond memories.  

For the most part, I spent all of elementary school and most of middle school years of church going as part of a threesome (get your mind out of the gutter, dear readers!).  I spent all of my church time hanging out with my friends David and Jason.  In true triangle fashion, Jason apparently had a huge crush on me, I had a HUGE crush on David, and David was indifferent.

Somehow (I really honestly don't remember) I ended up in a "relationship" with David for all of 8th grade.  I was in love.  I swore we'd get married and have little adorable children.  He gave me a set of Hallmark kiss-kiss bears and a charm bracelet and I thought we were meant to be.  We stealthily kissed a little in his parents basement (probably not as stealthily as we thought) and got dropped off by our parents to see movies.  It was love.

Then, high school happened.  David joined the band and, well, I played cello.  They went off to camp and had a wonderful time and came back cliquey and busy and I was left on the sidelines.  We went to our Freshman homecoming together and he promptly broke up with me the next night after youth group.  He told me his mom had forbidden him to break up with me before the dance.  I was devastated and took EONS to get over him, whereas he immediately moved on to a clarinet player and was always in a long-term relationship with SOMEONE from there on out.

As for me, on the other hand, this lovely middle-school relationship was really my only "true" 'This is my boyfriend, so-and-so' relationship until Jon... kind of embarrassing really.  Seeing David always be in a relationship (even once I was totally over him and we'd gone our separate ways) always kind of stung, even though I did date a little and have fun.  Funny coincidence?  Jon's always been a serial monogamist too.  Guess I'm just weird.

Another funny co-inky-dink?  David's mom lost 50+ pounds on WW and works as a receptionist at my meetings at home.  She's lovely and it's fun to know her more as an adult now.  

That said, there's my first love.  Not too serious, but we did have a good time. :)  I still have those kiss-kiss bears and the bracelet too.  My favorite thing?  He signed every card he gave me with his first and last name.  As if there would be other David's giving me romantic gifts!  :-P

30 DC: Day 9 (The Future. Again?)

How I hope my future will be like?

I thought that we addressed this with the previous "What I want my life to be like in 10 years" post.  But, in case you've forgotten... to summarize:

I want my future to involve being with Jon 

(and the furry babies):

And eventually (as in a few years from now) include these 

(not necessarily at the same time):

I would also like to earn a few more of these:

And then be one of these:

All in all, in my future, I would like to be this: 

The rest will work itself out. 

30 DC: Day 8 (Satisfied with life)

In the interest of not boring all of you dear readers, I'll try and keep this short and sweet.  Currently, I'm pretty darn satisfied with my life.  That said, I can't think of a specific moment where that realization hit me, so I'll choose another really important one instead. 

June 4, 2010.  The day I handed in my undergraduate thesis. 

My 100-page thesis, written in French (of course), was the culmination of 2.5 years of research and all of the experiences I had during my 4 years of college.  To this day, I've not worked as hard on something or for so long as that hefty little document.  

In the OU HTC, when you enter as a freshman, they instill the fear of God in you when it comes to the fact that you won't graduate without turning in an approved thesis.  For the first 2 years or so of college, as a student, you always have that little panic about not having a topic yet in the back of your head and then, once you do, the fear of actually completing such a daunting task takes over and persists until it's been completed.

Furthermore, while writing my thesis, my life changed dramatically (even if it had nothing to do with the actual thesis writing). I lost weight, started to feel good about being in my own skin, met Jon, started running... did a lot of growing up.  So, on June 4th, when I finally turned it in and knew I'd be graduating college in a week, I was feeling supremely satisfied with myself and my life.  Then we got to go out as a group and celebrate... that didn't hurt the feeling of satisfaction either.  ;)

See? What could be more rewarding than a "Hairy Mexican" shot with friends...
Seriously, worst thing I've ever drank to date.

Sidenote, I can't believe that was almost exactly a year ago!  It feels like no time has past and yet so much has happened!

Speaking of time flying, I'm off to my second to last Monday of teaching my little French kiddies!  How has time gone by so fast!!!

30 DC: Day 7 (I'm a Gemini)

Well, since my birthday was last week, as you can all probably guess, that makes me a Gemini, or a Gémeaux if you want to be French about it.  To be honest, my relationship with my zodiac sign is based on passing interest and a desire to amuse myself by reading my horoscope in magazines.  Beyond that, I don't really place any stock in it.  That said, I'm going to humor the challenge and answer as promised.  ;)

From what I remember, Gémeaux are apparently two-sided, fickle, intelligent, and good conversationalists.

I've always hated the idea that my sign is known for being two-faced and fickle--even if I don't place much stock in the zodiac.  I guess I can be two-faced in that even if I don't like you I'm not going to cause a scene and stir up a big mess every time you're near.  I can play nice and value politeness and professionalism very highly.  

So, on the whole, I would not say that I am two-faced.  Aside from being polite to someone regardless of my personal feelings, if I don't like you, I'm not going to keep you as a friend just to talk about you behind your back.  After spending all of high school and middle school in the midst of really clique-y people, I was elated to make most of my genuine friends (save a few exceptional hold-overs from my earlier years) in college and beyond.  I'd like to think I'm pretty drama free and genuine myself... the antithesis of two-faced.  I feel like play acting that you like someone while dissing them in private is just supremely unclassy and a waste of time and energy that could be devoted to more positive endeavors. 

As far as being 'fickle,' I think that's also highly untrue about me.  Once I make a decision about things, I tend to stick with them.  I'm a faithful friend, partner, employee, and even restaurant patron.  If I find a dish I really like somewhere, I often will go back to that restaurant specifically for that dish.  You know, like the quesadillas at Margarita's or my szchewan chicken and vegetable tempura at my favorite Chinese restaurant. 

Other than that, I would tend to agree with some of the other traits associated with my zodiac sign.  In my areas of study, I would consider myself pretty intelligent and I enjoy almost nothing more than an interesting and stimulating conversation.  My family likes to joke I could talk to a rock... and it's probably true.  You know, depending on how much alcohol I've had... ;)

Mostly, even though I really could care less about my zodiac sign, I have lately been irritated that all the placed I've poked around for this tend to think that Geminis and Scorpios (Jon) are distinctly incompatible.  See: example.  I disagree.  This only reinforces my dislike for basing one's life on their sign.  Clearly, I'm a huge fan of a Scorpio and so far, it seems to be working out swimmingly for both of us!

What do you think about your sign?

30 DC: Day 6 (30 Interesting Facts)

Sorry for the huge gap between 30 day challenge posts... I just got back from spending 4 days in Barcelona!  I'm working on a recap, but for now... here's Day 6, 30 interesting (or at least I hope so) facts about moi.  :)

1. Growing up I wasn't ever 100% sure if my name was Nicole Michelle Hanna or just Nicole Michelle, 'Hanna' being my mom's maiden name.  Apparently, I'm sans maiden name and my sister has it.  Fun fact!

2. I played the cello from 4th grade until the end of high school.  For all four years of high school, our orchestra director and I were in a constant battle over the length of my fingernails since I don't like to keep them cut to the quick.  Clearly this was a good sign I was never meant to be a professional cellist.

3. When I was little, I used to like to put a pitted black olive on the tip of all of my fingers and then pop them into my mouth one by one.

4. I have a Southern accent... in French.  It really confuses non-Southern French people when I meet them. In English, I have a standard midwestern accent.

5. I don't know how to correctly pronounce my last name.  Various family members prononce it differently.  How have I decided to pronounce it?  Changes based on my mood/whether you get "Nicole" or "Nicky".  Seriously.

6. I'm only 23, but I swear I'm going on 40.  Staying out all night drinking?  So not my thing... Staying in and cooking/going out to dinner and drinking wine?  Yes, please.

7. I have seen every episode of Gilmore Girls as they aired... and at least a second time when I bought each season as it was released on DVD.  I'm still sad she didn't marry Logan.

8. I have TINY, skinny fingers.  People used to tell me I should play piano... then a piano teacher told me my fingers were actually too long.  Still.  They're tiny.  Example.  Ring finger? Yeah, it's a 4.75... There are places that don't even make rings that small.  TINY.  Makes buying costume jewelry a pain.  Oh well.

9. Speaking of rings, I've had the same toe ring since I was in middle school.  It's probably not healthy, but I think my second toe on my right foot might actually be slightly skinnier than the same toe on left foot because of it.

10. Although I've always loved dogs, I never considered myself a dog person until I met Sahara.  I think it has something to do with the fact that she sleeps with us whereas "my" dog growing up was so much more attached to (and slept on the bed) my momma and not me.

11. That said, I've always been a cat person.  Mrowr.

12. When I'm in Cincinnati, there's only one Chinese restaurant I go to.  They know me by name.  My mom even threw me a surprise 16th birthday party there.

13. For our first date, Jon and I got bagel sandwiches.  I'm really happy about this because our relationship was never really based on "impressing" one another.  Hard to impress someone while trying to eat a HUGE salmon and cream cheese sandwich.

14. Fourteen is my lucky number.  It was my number the only year I played softball.  Not sure why that made it my lucky one since I only successfully hit the ball ONCE all season, but it's stuck!

15. I got my first gray hair when I was in high school.  I now have a decent amount... I think they're going to form an isolated streak.  Just call me Cruella de Ville.

16. I chose to spell 'Nicky' the way I do because I like that the 'K' goes up and the 'Y' goes down.

17. Before starting to go by 'Nicky' while I was growing up, my great aunt used to call me 'Nicky Micky.'  My grandmother (her sister) used to hate this.  Fond memory.

18. In France, my two favorite pastry desserts are lemon (or lemon meringue) tarts or coffee éclairs.

19. In the morning, the only thing I do to my hair is put cream/gel in it with my fingers and then let it air dry.  I don't even brush my hair on a regular basis.  I have never mastered the art of using a blow dryer.
When getting my haircut by someone new, I tell them that the new cut can absolutely not require me to change that routine... I'm far too low maintenance to do it.

20. I have either waited at midnight or purchased the first possible day every single Harry Potter book aside from the first one.  Except for my time in France, I have also seen every single Harry Potter movie at midnight the night it was released... I cried when I finished the last book... Then got angry at JK Rowling for writing such a fanfiction-y epilogue.

21. My go-to recipes for potlucks are either my mom's salsa salad or black bean, ghirardelli  brownies.  They're consistently hits.  Boyfriend even requests that we bring them.  Win.

22. When I spent a lot of time in France/speaking French, my English gets messed up... I forget words, mess up grammar, and spell things wrong.  Jon also gets a kick out of this.

23. My favorite ice cream flavor is Graeter's Black Raspberry Chip.  The Graeter's part is the key.  Anyone from Cincinnati will agree.

24. I apparently have a lot of "Nicky-isms" as Jon likes to put it.  The one that comes to mind first would be saying PS in the middle of conversations as asides.  I can't think of any other ones off the top of my head... but they're definitely there.  Oh, and 'Go team.'

25. I'm really good at staying in touch with people.  Though, if you don't ever answer your phone or email, I only have so long before I'll give up on trying.  That said, it's definitely one of the main reasons some of my best friends are still in my life after so many years/moving across the world!

26. I have never successfully done a pull-up or a chin-up.  Thank you, Presidential Physical Fitness Testing!  Someday, I'd love to be able to accomplish at least one.

27. When I was single (or really just before I met Jon), I used to read a lot of fan fiction.  Since then, I haven't had the time or the desire... even while we were broken up.  I don't miss it.

28. One of my goals when I travel is to find at least one cool piece of interesting jewelry as a souvenir.  After growing up around my grandmother's amazing (and interesting) jewelry collection, I'm really enjoying building my own... even if all of mine is still currently more on the "costume" end of the scale!

29. I VERY rarely wear heels.  I'm too much of a wimp and a whiner when my feet hurt.  I bought a pair of espadrille wedges in Spain... I hope they help change this since I think heels are so beautiful and feminine!

30.  When running out of ideas, Jon suggested I put that I have a 'One-Man Uber Fan club.'  The one man being him, of course.  All I need.  I'm pretty lucky.

30DC: Day 5 (Difficult Times)

Today's post calls for me to talk about a time I felt like ending my own life.  To be quite honest, I've never really had that low of a low before because I have (thankfully) never been pushed to that point.  


That said, I have had some low points.  I think one of the hardest things for me growing up was always being single.  Yeah, it's not the WORST problem to have in life, I know, but still.  True, there had been guys who'd wanted to "be my boyfriend" and I went on dates and everything, but after my "boyfriend" in middle school I was single for almost 7 years.  That's a pretty hard thing to deal with psychologically while watching all your friends date and get asked to dances, etc.  For me, this was also made worse by the fact that I was overweight and didn't feel "pretty."  I figured it was my own fault that no boys wanted to date me because "Who'd want to date a chunky girl?"  I recognize now that my own perceptions of my body and negative self talk led me to project a negative image of myself... So, really, it was a self-fulfilling prophecy.  But, that said, every time I'd try (unsuccessfully) to lose weight and fail, it just because all that more devastating because I'd managed to convince myself that keeping the weight on meant being alone and unattractive.  


I was so convinced that I'd always be alone that I even came up with back-up plans to fulfill all my other life dreams.  If I couldn't control meeting someone and having that dream, then everything else that I could control became a priority.  My big dream of being a professor comes from that.  Not that I don't still want to (or plan on) someday being a professor, but, back in the day, I figured if all I was going to have was my career than I'd better make it a good one.  I even made a pact with myself that if I turned 35 (or whatever age I deemed worthy) and was still alone that I'd adopt a baby.  I've always wanted to be a mom more than anything and the idea of not being able to have my own kids was killer.  As someone who's always been so career-minded and academically successful when I put my mind to it, the fact that we have no control over who/when we meet Mr. Right drove me crazy... mostly because I figured he didn't exist.  Or, if he did, I'd miss him due to my weight.


I recognize now that I was wrong.  Because I made weight the issue and because I was unhappy with myself and how I looked, there was no way I was ready to be in a relationship.  I didn't "attract" guys not because I was overweight, unattractive, uninteresting, or unworthy, but because I didn't put myself out there, I didn't think I was worthy of a relationship, and I didn't put out ANY positive vibes about myself.  Who's going to be attracted to that?  But, no amount of positive reinforcement from my friends and family or anyone else could change what I'd convinced myself to be true.


Even once I *did* successfully lose weight, it took a long time for those thoughts to go away and for me to get a better self image, to the point that it took me an abnormally long amount of time to realize that Jon was actually trying to pick me up and get my number when we meant.  Yeah, I met him once I lost weight, but there's NO way I would have even introduced myself to him if it hadn't been for the fact that my feelings about myself had started to change.  He's seen photos of me before and still thinks I'm beautiful... Clearly that wasn't the problem.  It's all in our heads.  Even now the negative self-talk creeps back in from time to time and I have to work to stay positive.  It's something we all go through for any myriad of reasons (weight, achievement, etc etc)


Anyway, that's a round about way of saying that my lowest point was when I finally told myself I'd never find anyone who'd want to be with me and then started to plan accordingly.  There's nothing worse that when you give up on yourself.  Ending your own life is the most extreme manifestation of this, but there are other ways we do it all the time.  Any time we say that we aren't "worthy" of something or we can't achieve something or we'd better just give up, it might not be suicide, but it surely ending any kind of growth that positive thoughts would have encouraged.  


So, there you go.  Day 5.  Quite the personal post, I'd say.  These prompts are so interesting because they really are showing me how far I've come/developed and who I am today.  What are some of your lowest points?